Returning Home
by Hop Scotch And Bananas
Summary: Barry is trapped in the speed force, but Cisco has a plan to get him out. Barry isn’t the same person as he was when he went in.
1. Home

**_For anyone who reads, this will take place when Barry gets out of the speed force. It's been a while since I watched that episode in particular, so the setting may be a little messed up, including who and who is not there, and any crisis that happened. I really don't know what I'm doing so, if you read please tell me what you want to happen next. There may be sweats and typos, bare with me._**

**I do not own the following content that's from the CW.**

They told the precinct Barry was The Flash, and that he was gone. They didn't think he was coming back. They made the officers swear to not say anything, he was gone so it wouldn't have made a difference. They didn't. Iris couldn't stand to wait for somebody who wouldn't come back. No other speedster would ever voluntarily take his place, at least not in this lifetime. They'd be out of their mind. By then he really _would_ be gone.

The officers grieved the young mans death. The city also thought The Flash was dead, but they didn't know his identity. There would be no way to tell who he was, many people died that night, there'd be too many people to narrow down.

Flash day was always held in his honor. It had been nearly a year since Barry left to stable the speed force. Their wedding date had passed, and people were questioning why it didn't happen. The Team was thankful almost everyone who was gonna come is either from the precinct or a hero like Barry. At least _they _knew what happened.

The few other people were told it was a medical thing, or the dress didn't come in. Iris felt like her heart was taken out of her chest, and then squeezed until all the blood was wrenched out of it. Her one love was dead, or at least never coming back

It was an ordinary day, or at least as ordinary as it got. Vibe and Kidflash stopped a meta they'd been trying to get for a while. Her name was Lusy Johnson. She was just any ordinary meta. Nothing in their lives was ordinary anymore though. Julian left, Iris closed off, Joe was trying to grieve his son and at the same time live, Caitlyn was gone and had her own life, Harry stayed, but found his own place, then Cisco and Wally bunked together. They all came together once in a while to work on a case, but it rarely happened. Cisco and Wally has to save the city still, for Barry.

" That, went okay," Wally said walking in the cortex.

" Yeah," Said Cisco," It would've been better if we had a team behind us"

" Look, I'm just as sad at the fact that Barry is never coming back, but do we _really_ know if he's _never _coming back?"

" Right now would be a good time to have H.R. giving us ideas," Cisco looked at the floor at the though of one more dead friend.

" I know, we all miss him. But since no one else is really eager to try to get Barry out, how about we try," Wally shrugged the idea. No one _has _tried. This was Barry they're talking about, why wouldn't they try to get him back? The thought of it not working?

" I know I'm not quite into all the physical science, but I could help construct something," Wally looked at Cisco. He had his eyes scrunched together, it was his idea thinking face.

" We don't necessarily need a physical speedster, just something that represents one," Cisco looked up,"Ha!"

" So like a dummie?" Wally asked.

" Close Wallybino, something that has the energy, and genetics, the speed force won't know the difference,"

" So you mean we trick the speed force into thinking someone is in there by giving it what it needs?" Wally looked confused, but getting the concept.

" Energy with genes for a speedster, that's it!"

Cisco ran into this work room and grabbed a crap ton of tools.

Wally came in a few times to give him Caprisuns and fruit snacks, and helped with the shape.

It took nearly all night, but they came up with it. It was a sphere, it had attractive magnetic and ion pull, therefore giving the speed force something to feed on, just like if it was a person. It even had genes of Barry, that way it'd think that it's not an ordinary ball.

The only problem they had, was getting the group to achieve the thought of bringing him back. It's been forever since they have _all _been in a room together.

They'd all have doubts, and they wouldn't want to get their hopes up if it didn't work. Cisco knew Joe would be on board, and almost everyone else but Iris. She wouldn't want to try and just lose.

" So how would this work?" Joe said while walking into the breach room, followed by Wally, Cait, and Harry. At least they found Cait, she could help Barry once he got out. He will get out, he has to.

" Well," Cisco said bringing in the speed force bazooka," This new and improved bazooka will let us get him out,"

" I thought that was supposed to _trap _a speedster in the speed force," Joe said hella confused.

" Well, when Savitar wanted me to alter it to make him excist everywhere, if you remember I didn't do that. And from what I _did _do, it was only a few alterations. Anyway, last time we used it, it brought Jay out, but this time it should replace Barry with the sphere. When the sphere hits the portal, Barry should spit right out,"

" I got none of that, let's just get my son out," Joe was just ready to have his son back. They all wanted him back.

Meanwhile in the speed force Barry was in his own prison.

He wasn't in his right mind there, who could be?

All he could hear in his head was his friends talking about how he failed.

_" My brother is dead because of you,"_

_" I'm sorry, I have to go,"_

_" You turned me into a monster'"_

_" You aren't a hero,"_

_" You errased a daughter from my life, that's unforgivable,"_

_" You have failed this city,"_

_" Save me Barry,"_

_" How could you let Ronnie die?"_

_" Please don't leave me!"_

_He could only hear the cries of when he failed his friends, when he failed to save them, failed to be there, failed to keep them happy, and failed to do it right._

_He wasn't Barry anymore, and it scared him. He sounded like Savitar, the way he voiced his pained words. He would never want to hurt anyone, but that didn't stop him from becoming what he is now. Savitar told him he'd be driven to such a point, he'd become a dark and lost soul. He'd become Savitar. He _was _lost, he _was _dark, but he was no killer, he would _never _be driven to that point. **Ever**. He is out of his mind here, he's not sure if he can take anymore. To everyone else, it was mearly a year, but to him, it's been at least 30. There's no way to tell. Not to mention time goes by slower when your a speedster, their urge to get up and go is itching. They feel the urdge, anxiety, and depression of having to stay still, paralyzed. Nothing can get him out of this hell. Barry is gone, all that's left is a shell of who he once was._

"Let's give it a go," Cisco said pulling a lever to get the bazooka in place.

He handed the sphere to Wally, and he put it on the platform. The mood in the room was intense, but no one said anything. They were all waiting behind the new glass Cisco enforced for the gun to fire up.

" You're coming home buddy," Cisco muttered.

And he pushed the big purple button. A huge blast of blue lightning and matter flew to the sphere, and a storm of lightning erupted. The sphere started to wiggle in the gusts of drafts coming out. The lightning reached towards in, and sucked it in. It was an amazing sight, but it scared them.

Cisco thought it didn't work, he though he failed his friend. He screwed it up somehow, Barry _really _is not coming back. But just before he really started to freak out, a body of someone he used to know got thrown out. A big weight lifted of his chest, IT WORKED!!

They waited for the vortex to clear, and Joe was the first one to run in.

Barry was still whearing the black suit he wore when he first walked in. The only thing different with it was it was nearly grey from age, and looked worn. He was flung into the left wall of the large room. He was on his side, but not limp. He had backed himself into the wall. He didn't know where he was. He was in a very tech room. He thought the speed force was playing a trick on him. He still couldn't remember where he was, but he recognized it. Not at least until he saw Joe run in. Barry had a look of shear panic on his face.

He was scared of what trick this was. It was a cuel trick to bring him back to where he and his friends always met. But this was definitely different. The beard on his face met Joe's shoulder, as Joe ran to Barry.

Joe longed for this moment for 365 days. Barry felt the warmth against his skin. This was not a foax. This _was _real. He was here with Joe, he was still scared and confused, but he just sat there. He knew who Joe was he recognized him, but it took a few seconds of being hugged to give him the name.

" Joe," Barry's voice cracked. His throat was on fire, but he couldn't care. He was home. Where was Iris? Never mind, be didn't want to hurt her, if it wasn't for H.R., she'd be dead. He didn't save her, he would have killed her. He would have let her die, he wasn't fast enough. He would have killed her as both Barry and Savitar. But somewhere in him he knew it wasn't true. He loved her, she loved him. She was his forever soulmate, she was his fiancé for crying out loud!

" Yes Barry it's me Joe," Joe started to try. Barry was weak, and Joe just held him. His son was home, he was never going to let anything happen to his son **ever** again. Barry's eyes closed, he felt safe for the first time in a year. He still felt as though he let them all down, like he didn't belong here. He had to just stop thinking. He was never able to sleep for more that a minute in the speed force. They'd always wake him up, tease him, taunt him, hurt him, and talk him down. He may be home, but he was still a shell.

The rest of the team except for Iris also came running in.

" We should get him to the med bay and get him checked out," Cait said. Her eye liner was smudged from tears.

Joe took ahold of his exhausted son, and wrapped Barry's arm around his neck. Wally did the same to the other side. As Barry was being lifted through the halls, he could only see small glimpses. It all looked the same, but it just wasn't. He could tell the tension in the area was huge, they must have not been meeting as Team Flash as much. Saving the city is the only thing he wanted, but they couldn't do it. That gave him hope that they really needed him. How could be if he wrecked everything?

They sat him down gently on the bed and he tried to open his eyes, but couldn't. He could only hear their words around him. It sounded like they were miles away, kinda with an echo.

" He's severely exhausted, we should just leave him to sleep. It's the best we can do until we know what we're dealing with,"

He could hear Caitlyn say.

" Shouldn't you put him on some monitors or something?" Joe looked at Barry. His son looked reasonably okay, but his father instincts were having a party in his brain.

" No, he is healthier than ever actually. He just seems to be tired. There's two possible reasons why he is not, awake."

" And?"

" It could be because he is in shock, after being isolated on his own, and in who knows what kind of environment, he can be overwhelmed. He was just pulled out of a huge energy mass and was brought into this huge room with big lights, tech everywhere, and somewhere he hasen't been in forever," She paused," He just needs to rest and regain himself,"

" Okay so you mean he just needs to sleep, and he should be fine?" Joe looked Cait right in the eyes.

" That's what I hope," Cait winced at the eyes ripping through her.

" What, you hope?" Joe was getting angry," You said theirs two possibilities. What's the other one?"

Caitlyn didn't want to say it, but she was thinking it.

It took her a minute to respond," Because he was in isolation for so long, it could have caused metal damage. He seems fine on the outside, but in the inside, he could not quite be there,"

" But doesn't those things take a long time to happen, like several years?"

" Yeah, but the speed force is part of space and time, to us he was gone for a whole year, to him, he could have been gone for 1,000 years,"

Joe had to sit down. He felt like he was going to pass out. All these things are confusing, but this is the one thing that made sense to him. It pained him to realize it.

" Should someone call Iris," Wally asked out of the silence. How could she be upset that it failed if it didn't? The only problem was he might not be the same. He might even be crazy. It's not like they could just hide him from her, that would be crazy.

" You're right," Cisco said," We can't not let her know, he's her fiancée"

Joe took Barry's hand, and squeezed a little, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. What would they tell the officers at CCPD? How would they explain this? If Barry was right in his mind, how would he tell him he told everyone where he works he's The Flash?

" I guess I can do it, she needs to hear it from her dad," Joe stood up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He walked out to the door frame, and dialed her number.

He told her about what they did and what to expect. She was eager to come out and see him, but she was angry. She was angry that they didn't tell her what they were doing, that she wasn't the first person he saw, that she couldn't hold him, and that they even did this. They all knew she wouldn't approve. She firgured what's the point in bringing someone back that won't recognize you? But he's back.

Iris walked into the med bay, and stopped in her tracks. Right in front of her was her Barry. He had a beard and was asleep, but he was hers. Tears started to engolf her eyes, but she couldn't move to him. She put her hand over her mouth. Joe got up and hugged her, she just cried in his shoulder. An hour later Joe got some of Barry's old clothes and a razor. He cleaned his son up, and put him in a STAR Labs sweatshirt and sweat pants. It was hard to get his arms and legs to cooperate, but he couldn't complain.

Barry looked like his old self, but his hair was darker. He had an expression on his face, nothing Joe had ever seen. It was something Barry might have done if he was depressed. It looked like he wasn't in physical pain, but emotional pain. He was afraid to find out if Barry was okay, or if he was gone. Only time would tell.

It took six hours, but his eye lits finally started to open. The lights were dimmed, but for being in the dark for so long, it was like checking your phone in the middle of the night. His body felt fine, he felt better than he had ever been in the speed force. He got some sleep for the first time. For a minute he thought he died, and that this was heaven. But he let too many people down to be heaven, was it a sick joke from hell? Then Barry remembered seeing Joe, the real Joe.

He looked slightly to his right, and saw his future wife. Her cheek was resting on his hand. He almost killed her, why was she on him? He is the source of all their problems, why were they here? He felt like they left him in the speed force, but he deserved it. He's grateful for being thrown out of there, but how can he come back here? He couldn't remember her name. What was it? Irene? Izzy? Ida? Ivy? Iris!!! Why couldn't he remember that? She was his fiancé! He was hurt by himself. He couldn't remember her name. It's a simple four letters. I-r-i-s. He got mad at himself for not remembering. He tried to say her name, but it hurt his head to say anything. He felt just as trapped as when he was in the speed force. He could move, but something didn't want to wake Iris. Was it the old him? The one that saves people, and loved science, who always got pep talks from the Arrow, and who would soon have a wife.

That guy was gone. He couldn't see himself being that guy. All that's left is a depressed clone. He start to cry to himself. He was never gonna be the same. He just couldn't. His crying must have woke Iris, because she lifted her head and saw the tears spilling almost silently from his eyes. He didn't make eye contact, but he acknowledged that she was awake with him. She too started crying, and she put her hand on his cheek. He winced and eventually let her. His red, puffy eyes didn't dare look into her. The speed force scolded him for doing it. It's just a habbit he has now.

She rubbed her fingers on his cheek and got up to hug him. He was stunned at the physical contact, but he let her. He really needed it, even if he didn't want it. He was afraid he'd hurt her, so he didn't return the hug.

She called Caitlyn in, and now she had to check his congnitive functions.

" Can you follow my fingers?" Cait said holding up the light at his eyes while moving her fingers from side to side. He tried his best to keep his eyes open, but the light was really bright.

" Good," she handed him a bottle of water. Barry gladly took it, and drank a quarter of it.

" Can you try speaking for me?"

The water _did _make his throat feel better, but he wasn't sure if he could talk.

" D-nt kn-w," Barry coughed a little and scrunched his face. It was painful, but not as bad as before. His head pounded.

It may have been a small cracked two words, but it proves he's aware. He'd rather get back to sleep, and gladly do it forever, but again something wanted to do this.

" That's okay," she sighed.

Barry's mind drifted a little, he seemed to be kinda fuzzy.

" Barry?" Cait said.

Barry didn't look up, as if he didn't hear her.

"Barry!" She said again, this time he looked shocked to see her standing right there. Caitlyn winced at his mishap.

" Okay that's good enough Barry, you can rest some more," She didn't even have to say it, he did it on his own anyway.

They all walked back into the cortex.

" What do you think?" Joe said fidgeting with his lip.

" Well, there _is_damage, but not as extensive as it could have been. He knows his name, although he seems to be struggling to stay aware and focased. To him, he can think just fine, but he seems to us, confuzled,"

" Since when do you use the word confuzled," Cisco almost laughed, he stopped because this wasn't the time. She has changed too.

Cait rolled her eyes," I think in time it'll get better. Maybe bringing him home will help, introducing him to familiar things," She was doing that thing with her hands she does when she tells them news.

" Okay, but which home?" Wally thought out loud. "You guys didn't live in your apartment for long, maybe Dad's house would be better,"

" You have a point Wally," Caitlyn thought," But in cases like this, old memories he may have might spark and get triggered, making him think he is in that age still, we should keep it as reasent as possible,"

They all looked in at Barry. He was turned away from the window, and his knees were curled up.

" Do you think I should bring him tonight?"

Iris looked at Barry. She was scared for him, but so exited to have him back. But was it really him she got back? Something really seemed off.

" The sooner we get going bringing him back to normal, the more of a chance we have to get the old Barry back"

They didn't even have a clue of what hell he went through, none of them did. Except for maybe Wally, but he was only in there for like a day. Barry was in there for 365 days. They'd never get the old Barry back.

" Barry seems physically okay, but he may not realize he has his powers back, but if he does, he might do something stupid," Caitlyn has a point.

" I have a mini version of the power dampening cuff you stole, it's a thinner version, but'll stay on tight," Cisco was proud his new gadget would come in handy," Plus he'd only need it on one hand"

" I really don't want to take his powers away but Cait is right," Joe said," Just until _he _is back"

" Alright then, Cisco go grab em," It pained Iris to say it. She hated this too.

Iris grabbed the bracelet from Cisco, and walked into the room that Barry laid quietly in.

" Hey Babe,"

Barry tilted his head towards her. She sat on the chair next to him, face to face. Barry kept his hazel empty eyes down.

"Would you mind putting this on, I know you might not like it, but, you know," She didn't have to say any more. Barry didn't like how they were dampening his powers. He knew he drifted sometimes, and he couldn't have himself running off. He nodded his head and slowly took the bracelet. It was black with a lightly glowing blue chip in it. It looked like it was made like a friendship bracelet. Barry almost wanted to smile at the fact that Cisco made him a friendship bracelet, but he told himself it was only to not look suspicious. His mouth didn't move. He strapped it around his left wrist and made sure it was on tight.

" You ready to go?" Iris said in a soothing tone.

Barry had drank half the bottle of water, and it helped his voice.

" Home?" He said quietly sitting up more.

" Yes Barry, home," Iris smiled. She held her hand out. Barry looked at it, and almost broke down.

" Home," He said, taking her hand in his.

_**Sorry if you don't like long chapters, but that's the only way I'll keep writing.of this is a long chapter, long for me at least. If I don't keep it going all at once, I'll just stop and get bored. I will write more, so if **you** read, then please comment. I actually like this story, so I **will **write more even if nobody reads. I'm working on typos and detail, but I can't stop refusing to re-read more than three times, so sorry if there's typos.**_


	2. Getting Back To Normal

Chapter 2

Barry took Iris' hand and started to get up. After being trapped in the speed force for so long, his legs couldn't function right.

When he stood up Iris had to nearly catch him. His legs weren't jelly like they were earlier but only a little more stable. The rest really did help clear his mind, but it didn't help the way he felt about being around all of them so close. After a whole year of being told what he's done wrong, and being told who he let down, he was like this future self living in STAR Labs. Broken, hurt.

He didn't want to hurt them, he wanted to leave them, they were better off with him gone, far away so he can't hurt them. He wanted so bad just to run, as fast as he can and just leave, but he couldn't even if he wanted. But they just got him back, leaving would hurt them. Everything he's done since he was The Flash has ruined someone's life. Dig, Cait, Cisco, his dad, and his mom, Joe, Iris, Eddie. Those were only a few, but they all had a reason to be mad at him, he was confused why they weren't. _He _was mad at himself. Everything seemed to be blurry and off. Everything seemed like it was someone else's life. He was like a whole different person. He could barely consider himself a person, he was like an empty body, Barry had died that night. The new person he was shouldn't even have a name.

" Woah, I got you," Iris said while taking his whole arm. Barry got his footing and Iris slowly let go. She couldn't help but give him a concerned look. Even the team in the cortex gave them a worried glance. He sat back down on the bed and grabbed the pair of shoes Joe left for him in the room. They were his black chucks, the sides were turing grey from age and from being used. It had been so long since he had his old shoes on. It was weird, but it made his shell feel good. Iris casually took his hand and they walked out. He started to get the hang of walking again, but his knees would occasionally buckle. They got to the car, and Barry let go of her hand to go on the passenger side. His new black hair started to get sweaty. He was nervous to go home. Somewhere in his mind was Barry. A nice, loving, happy, and generous person, but he can't find him. He's reaching and is too short. He just wants this to end. Iris got in the car and started the engine. He put his seatbelt on, even if he didn't care. It'd be fine to die. Iris is the only person even this new him would live for. As long as she's alive he'll have to try.

The ride home was almost silent. Barry wanted it quiet. Iris didn't bother to try and ask what it was like, she knew he wasn't the same. She wanted him to be, but he just needed time. That's what they all thought. Iris hesitated to say anything at all. She knew she couldn't bring up the speed force, but what about their wedding? What about West-Allen?

It all looked the same, the apartment was clean except for the couch. Iris saw Barry looking at the couch and stand.

" I couldn't sleep in an empty bed," She looked down.

" I understand," Barry said looking back at the couch. He did. Losing somebody in an instant must be hard. He did this to her.

" Here, we can go and get to bed, it's getting late,"

Barry didn't resist. He was still tired, everyday was hell, he needed a good nights sleep. When they walked into the room, the bed was still wrinkled from the night he left. There was even the cup of water he had had that night. She really couldn't bring herself to change anything. He sat on the bed and felt himself release all of the pressure that was in his back and neck. He slipped his shoes off, but didn't change. He laid his head on the pillow, but he couldn't help feel like he was in a foreign place. All he could think about is Barry would have liked this, the old Barry. To be home, to be here with Iris and live normally. He wouldn't care about having to work, and the crazy hours that came with it. He wouldn't mind saving people and helping anyone and everyone in need. He wouldn't mind being a little messed up, he has always been. But **nothing **in his mind before is the same, it's _way _worse. He is trapped in his own mind. He can't talk about it, something in his head tells him not to. It tells him he is worthless and doesn't deserve to be home. Barry wanted to be the same, but he left for good.

Iris came in the bed after she got pajamas on. She didn't even bother to ask him if he wanted to change. All she wanted to do was be with him, and kiss him. The only thing she could do tonight was wrap her arms around his chest. He opened his eyes. If felt so strange having someone else's warmth on you. He was hesitant, but he slowly put his hand on her arm. She smiled and snuggled closer. A weird sensation started to tighten his face. It was something he never though he'd feel again. It's was almost a smile. Was he back? The guy she needed? She deserved way more than a broken piece of a man she loved. Maybe Eddie would have been the best for her. She wouldn't have to constantly worry about him almost being beat to death by a meta or being stuck in the speed force. She'd be better off.

He couldn't think about it too long, because he fell asleep with her around him.

_The place was dark. Nobody was there. He couldn't move, speak, scream, or see. It was like he was in a coma, all he could do was breath in musky air. Every feeling of hatred pounded on him like punches from villains, all of them being distant memories. The air got heavy, his lungs strained to find oxygen. His body started to feel like it was crushing. It felt as if he was in outer space with no suit. There was no oxygen or pressure to keep him alive. It felt like he was drowning._

Barry woke up and shot out of bed. Something about that seemed so wrong, but too familiar. It was like he was living in the speed force again. It was always constant. He couldn't help but wish he was dead. If he could get out of there, but still feel like he was being held against his will, what was the point?

He standed next to the bed panting. The alarm clock read 5:34. Iris would wake up soon, she always had to wake up at 6. She would be used to it because of work. Barry decided to take a shower, he felt like he was covered in a years worth of blood, swet, and tears.

He didn't bother to grab clothes, he was too ready to take a shower. There was too much on his mind to think about clothes. Even in his sleep he never got to rest. At the least he could get a shower.

The hot water against his skin felt like heaven. The water washed away the pain, hurt, and suffering. It washed his sorrows and failures down the drain. His favorite part was actually getting clean. The shower was now his new favorite place. All the dirt and grime would wash away. His sins and failures all washed away in the moment. There was no one there to look at him and judge. There was nothing holding him accountable. As weird as it sounds, the shower made him free. It took the anxiety and depression away. Even when he was younger, if he cried in the shower, the rush of water would wash the tears away. It was like the shower was his buddy. It was warm and would never leave unless he wanted it to. It'd take the blood away, and it'd rush to remove tears. It was soothing, more than any person ever was. The shower was a safe haven.

As he rubbed the bar of soap against his skin, he could see the dirt wash off. It was almost like he was being cleansed from the speed force. All the mean comments and words were pulled down, he could think in the shower.

After he got out, he remembered to put his dirty clothes In the basket. Some of Iris' clothes were in there already. Her favorite blue shirt was in there.

He loved to see her smile when she wore it. Because he brought in no clothes, he just wrapped a white towel around his waste. When he walked out, Iris was getting some clothes out of her drawer.

" Wow babe, you got, jacked!" Iris said turning around.

Barry looked down, and sure enough, there was more muscles on his abdomen than ever. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought he stole some from Oliver. He has never been this muscular. It didn't feel strange, but it must look really different. It made sense. The speed force is where he gets his powers, and that's why he first woke up from the coma with abs. If it was any other time he would have been showing them off, but he didn't feel the same as before. His speed gave him a lot, but right now it seems more like a curse than a blessing. It made him suffer, and to him it lasted for years. The constant torture left him in pieces. No one wanted to think it, but they may never be put back together.

Barry just smiled at Iris' remark.

" Yeah,"

Iris walked over with smooth arms. She wiped her arms around his chest and felt every muscle on his body. This is really different, but she likes it. Maybe him being different is a curse but this part she can't complain about. Barry feeling good after the shower, slowly hugged her back. A small part of him flickered back, but it won't stay long.

" Oh I love you babe," Iris said kissing his neck. Barry couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable, but closed his eyes anyway. He has waited for this for what seems like forever. Iris slowly departed from his neck and looked at him.

Barry's face was a little pale, but in a cute way. She couldn't help but admire the contrast of his light skin to his dark hair. His usual geeky look was gone, and all that was left was his handsome features she used to fail to notice. His wet hair was pushed off the side, and Iris ran her fingers to scruff it up.

" There, that's the way I like it," Iris smiled slowly walking back to the bed to finish getting her stuff. Barry walked to his old dresser. There was many clothes he would look weird in now. The way he held himself wouldn't look good in his old geeky fashion. All he settled on was jeans and a sweatshirt. He supprisingly felt rested, kind of like he had been sleeping for a long time, and actually felt good. There's no doubt his physical health was okay now, but not his mental health. That was too far to reach right now.

" I think I'm gonna call work and tell them I'm not coming in. We can just stay here today,"

Barry wanted to stay with her, but not when he knew he almost killed her, he didn't trust himself around her.

" Don't cuz of me," he said quietly," Maybe I can just. Maybe go to Joe's"

Barry knew Iris wouldn't trust him alone. Not in a bad way but scared way. She saw how he was when they first found him, disoriented and pained. She just wanted to make sure he wouldn't forget anything he knew.

" Sure. I'm sure dad wouldn't mind grabbing a pizza and watching a game, catch up a little," Iris smiled, eyes slightly watering. She needed the money after drounding herself in comfort food previously.

" Oh wait, but today dad has some fellow officers over for beer and a game," She paused," If you don't mind being around them,"

Barry looked up with a questioning look on his face. Iris knew what he meant,"We told them Barry, the truth. But not the big speed force details. They know you're the Flash" Barry looked down at his feet. There was black socks on the floor, dirty ones from last time he was home.

" I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to keep it a secret," Iris looked down. Barry's head shot up and he hesitated. His arm went to her shoulder and he did his best to look her in the eye.

" It's, okay,"

She smiled. He didn't want her to feel bad about someone so pathetic like him.

" I'll call him, and tell him you're coming," she walked away and grabbed her phone. A lot had changed in her. Barry could tell. She was more distressed and she seemed a little depressed. Although she was happy to see him, she had a lot of fake smiles in the bank.

" Okay I'll drop you off at dads, I'll get to work and I'll see you later," Iris attempted a smile. There she goes, the fake smile.

" Yeah,"

They walked out to the car and got in. Barry wasn't sure how he'd talk to his fellow police officers, especially when they had thought he was dead. This is gonna be difficult not only be because he hasn't seen them in so long, but he wasn't himself. His nerd and geek self was their friend. Not this crazy psycho lunatic. He was someone who hurt others and failed so many. The only way he can get them to stop worrying is if he was himself. It will be hard, but he has learned to be a good acter.

The way there was almost silent except for the fact that the radio was quietly playing 'House of the Rising Sun'.

Rain started to drisle and the sky was overcast. For such a good event of coming home the day wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Maybe it was a sign, but Barry didn't believe in destiny and all that crap anymore. The universe itself was a load of crap, all it's done is screw with him.

It didn't take long to get to Joe's. There were several police cars parked next to the curb from the officers inside. There were three including Joe's, and a few from the next door neighbors. This seemed a little overwhelming. Barry hadden't even really talked to Joe even though he's the one who helped Barry when he first came from the speed force. It was already awkward. By now it was pouring rain, and it started to thunder.

Iris got out of the car with him. She put her arm around his newly muscular waist and they walked up to the door steps. He knows he shouldn't be nervous, it's his family he's going to see. There is new anxiety rising in him, and he is telling himself he is pathetic. He is so broken he can't even see his own foster father and coworkers. They were almost already soaked, and the water had soaked through Barry's sweatshirt. The water was drentching his shirt.

They didn't bother to knock. It was still their home even if they've already moved out. The moment they walked in the three men on the couch turned their way. The first person Barry saw was Joe on the far side of the couch nearest to the kitchen. The next he saw was his BOSS! He was only expecting some of the few officers Joe sat around at his desk. But definitely not Captain Singh. He was the last person he wanted to see right now. It's not like he didnt like him or anything, it's just that Singh isn't Barry's biggest fan. Barry is constantly late and being yelled at because he can't be on time for one time in his life. Not to mention he now knows his big secret. Thinking about it too much made his mind wonder, Iris' hand on his arm pulled him back.

The next person he saw still eyeing Singh is Officer Chandler. He was sitting next to Singh. They were eyeing him down like he had risen from the dead, well he kinda did. He took off his soaked sweatshirt and revealed his dripping arms and shirt. His grey shirt is nearly black from all the water. The officer's eyes went to his wrist where the bracelet dampened his speed. Joe quickly got up and met them at the door.

" Wow it must be coming down hard, you're soaked," Joe said taking Barry's sweatshirt and hanging it up.

" God it is," Iris replied for Barry.

Singh gave Barry a glance. He could tell just by looking at the kid something was wrong. Barry didn't make eye contact, he was holding himself like a beaten puppy, and he looked like he had actually been beaten, in a scared kind of way.

" You look like you jumped in a pool," Joe smirked at Barry," Let me go grab you one of my shirts so you can change," His efforts to make a joke failed, Barry wouldn't smile for the life of him.

He made sure to Joe know he heard, but he didn't say anything.

" Go ahead and grab a beer Bear," Joe said starting his way upstairs to grab a shirt. He nodded and went to the corner of the room to sit in one of the chairs. Both officers had their eyes on him making him feel uncomfortable. They were like owls, hoo hoo.

" So Joe filled us in on everything, now I had my doubts, but it makes sense. You being chronically late and sometimes limping when you walk in, it makes sense. You _are _the flash," Singh said looking at Barry. His face was soft, mostly because he could tell Barry wasn't quite the same.

" Yeah, I guess," Barry said quietly not looking either of them in the eye. His voice was still scratchy.

" Here," Joe said throwing the shirt at Barry. He caught it and took off the one he had on. The second his shirt lifted all three of the men were shocked.

" Jeez Bear, I guess the speed force gave you something for your time spent in it,"

Joe looked shocked.

" I'll say," Barry rolled his eyes and put on the other shirt. Joe winced at the comment. That wasn't something Barry would normally say in this kind of situation. Barry's not just gonna bounce back like he always did. Singh was getting a little red faced, he didn't know the kid was ripped!

" No but really, how are you, the speed force is, a rough place,"

" Okay, I'm okay," Barry said finished putting the shirt on. It was only a little big, but it would have looked more if he haddent had gotten buff. He didn't want to talk about the speed force. It scared him to just think about it.

Joe knew he should change the subject, he could tell Barry was a little distraught.

He passed Barry one of the beers from off the coffee table. It was wet to the touch, but there was no way he was passing it down, even if it couldn't get him buzzed. They all looked at him to see what he'd do. Um he'd drink it!? It's a beer, you drink beer! I guess Singh was ready to see his employee take in to the drink. He had never seen Barry lay back, just work. He was such a book worm. Although their eyes were burning through him, he still snapped off the cap and took a drink.

" Ah, that's good," Barry smiled at the beer. Wait, can he get buzzed?

" Glad you like it. Um, how about a game?" Joe said turning the TV on. This could be good, getting back to normal. Normal was weird, this is weird, but good.

**I have a plan in mind of what to do in the way future, but for the one person that liked it, would you mind suggesting something. I know the long term ending, but not the short term. And sorry for any mistakes I don't usually like to read through it more than like four times. I'm just lazy like that**


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